It was the day before I was leaving to visit Sturgeon Bay, WI for the first time. I read an Oswald Chambers devotional:
Let God fling you out, and do not go until He does. If you select your own spot, you will prove an empty pod. If God sows you, you will bring forth fruit.
I then set off on my morning walk. I was instantly STOPPED in my tracks when I saw this.
I sat down right there and cried.
Let it be known …… I had become particularly wise during this season (in this little area). James had already been to Sturgeon Bay at least twice and had been prayer-fully considering a call for what seemed like forever. I changed my walking route to circle around in the community cemetery. Exercise usually makes me cry anyway. Add major life decision-making to it and it’s a recipe for public crying. What better place to public ugly cry than in a cemetery?
Take any toddler on their worst tantrum day….and that was me during this call process.
I was tired
I was comfortable where I was
I had/have rock solid friends that I love, right there. LOVE!!! We could meet for coffee face-to-face at a moment’s notice.
I was “kingdom building.” I had my ministries & knew my place in them
Kids. This was the first call process that seemed to be moving in the “uprooting” direction that involved kids that were no longer babies but people. People with opinions!
As I sat there open field to the left, cemetery on the right……………………………..
I didn’t want to have to decide.
Then I walked home and packed my bag.
As it played out. We moved.
Two years ago…..We had not even made it all the way across the bay on the steel bridge when I looked over at James and said………
“We are supposed to be here.”
That little sentence was significant for me.
I struggle with discernment.
Am I hearing God?
My own human desires
or…………the every annoying , distracting Satan?
I did not make the decision whether or not we dug in deeper in Glencoe or uprooted to Sturgeon Bay.
He knows me so well. He knew how incredibly difficult it was for me to uproot from where I had been planted for ten years. He was clear about my future. He was about to fling me.
Like a toddler on the days we all brag about on social media. I obeyed.
I’ve been restless the last several weeks. Two years ago God flung out a pod to produce fruit. If a fruit stand were to open with my produce, would The Gardner stand back and sigh, “well done little pod?”
I reread the same devotion today. Something different stood out.
“‘Though it tarry, wait for it.’ We cannot attain to a vision, we must live in the inspiration of it until it accomplishes it itself.”
I am still a sapling. With a season opener in the distance.